Three things about work having a kid changed for me
You’re the first person on the internet to know that in 2017 my wife and I had a son. A common trait of CEOs (or so I’m told) is needing to feel like things are in control. I definitely have that.
In the early days of fatherhood I felt like I was failing as a CEO, failing as a new dad, and failing as a husband. That made me want to keep this really significant and important part of my life private.
Over the past 10 months, I’ve had to figure out how to get more out of my time and regain some of the control over my own life that I felt I lost. Here are three things that I figured out that helped me. If you’re thinking about starting a family while running a company, I hope they help you too.
Commuting = Exercise
Even though we’re all distributed, I still like to get out of the house most days and go to our office in downtown Portland.
Instead of driving to work, I ride my bike the 5.2 miles to work.
The difference in time to work is 25 minutes biking vs 15 minutes driving, and going home is 40 minutes biking vs 35 minutes driving. BUT by riding the bike instead of driving, I get my exercise in for the day instead of trying to find other time in the day for it. As an added benefit, instead of arriving at work frustrated from driving, I arrive energized from biking.
Splitting the work day in two
My son sleeps from 7pm to 7am. If I kept my old schedule of sleeping until 8am and then being at work from 9am — 6pm and getting home at 7pm, I’d see him for 15 minutes a day as I was getting ready to go to work. I’m not willing to be an absentee parent! So I decided to split my day in order to spend more time with him.
The first part of my work day is 9am — 4pm. That gives me 7am — 8am to spend with my son, and then an hour to get to work and shower. Then I leave at 4pm to bike home and spend 5pm — 6:15pm with my son.
My wife and I take turns each night so every other night I give him his bath at 6:15pm and put him to bed.
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After he goes to sleep, I spend some time with my wife — usually eating dinner and talking and then work from 8 to 9:30 or 10pm. That gives me 8–9 hours a day of work and 2–2 1/2 hours a day with my son.
Something that’s not work and not baby
Other than sleep (which is probably the most important 8 hours out of 24), having activities that energize you outside of work and baby duties help you be more present and focused when you’re on the clock. I tried to find things that require 100% of your brain so I couldn’t not pay attention and still be thinking about work or home.
Cooking
I’ve always enjoyed cooking, but since it’s harder for us to go out now as a couple and delivery just isn’t that healthy, I started trying to improve my skills with cooking. I get huge satisfaction from making something that tastes amazing or learning a new technique. I’d like to try once a week going to a cooking class to add a social element.
Soccer / Futsal
Sunday nights I play on a coed futsal team. Usually it’s not that intense and people are there to have a good time and get some exercise.
Reading
I wish I had the energy for more business books, but to really disconnect I’ve been reading a lot of science fiction. That helps my brain relax and disconnect — much more so than TV where I find myself drifting back to work.
That’s how I stay sane. One of the biggest advantages of having a distributed team where we focus on results and not “face time” in the office is that gives people the ability to design their day so that they can be their best self at work and at home.
One of our other employees had a great way of putting it:
“As a family-oriented person, my dream lifestyle has always been to work hard and mom hard.”
Doing great work doesn’t mean being an absentee parent. It just means focus and eliminating the things that don’t matter in your life so you can give attention to the things that do matter.
What works for you? What advice do you have to be present with your kids while working hard?